Control

 

I thought planning was just being prepared, being ready for what may or may not happen. I just want to know what is going to happen. When and how. That’s not to much to ask, right?

(I just want to warn you I am going to open up here, so be prepared…)

I have been wondering why I often find myself planning. Planning for the next day, week, or year, planning our next vacation, for when we buy a house. Doing research, always research. I want to know more, I want to know why. What do other people say, what do the experts say?

While in the midst of a very busy week I found myself very stressed out and I realized this was partly because I felt out of control. (Me a control freak? I never ever thought of myself like that.. till now… and only, maybe, just a tiny bit).

One evening just as I was about to lose it, God spoke to me, he said “Since when do you think YOU have control? I am in control Caitlin, let go and trust me”

Wow. At that moment I just thought, “WOW”. What have I been doing? Who DO I think I am so have such power? I realized that when I plan I am really losing faith in my Lord. I am losing trust and faith that God will, and has taken care of my path in life and that I need not be distraught about what tomorrow will bring.

Sometimes I feel so so silly. I look back on what I have been thinking and how I have been acting and it is as though I really am just a little girl still trying to figure out what I can get away with without getting caught.

This is something I am working on. It’s a process. So, when I feel those creepy controlling thoughts slithering into my mind I stop and pray, asking for faith and trust to let go of how I think things should work and allow Him to work in and guide me. Easier said than done, yes, but totally worth it. He brings such peace when I do this. God you are awesome.

Enjoy today fully for you are loved by God.

Caitlin